So. Why So Miserable?
I've got far too used to constantly being in a negative or fretful state of mind, I think. I have no Winter S.A.D excuse to fall back on, not in April! I've not been feeling at all well for the past couple of weeks, but even so....
I'm spending most of my time in a state of low-level anxiety. My muscles across my shoulders have been tense enough to go numb, and lately to cause spasms down one of my arms on occasions. I'm very, very tired most of the time. I'm sitting in a sun-flooded room on a comfy chair in a quiet house and I can't relax. I'm thirsty and my head is hurting. I can't understand why my head is so "busy"; all it's doing is going round and round in circles trying to find a reason for my current unhappiness.
I wonder if my expectations aren't just far too high. Take this weekend, for example. In these two days (well, still only one and a half really!) I have done all the housework, all the washing, gone out for a ride, cleaned the bikes, watched a significant number of "Lost" episodes, had a nice Sunday roast, fixed the Epson 4000 printer upstairs, taken Ian to PC World and slept a lot. That's not bad for a weekend is it?
OK, my brain is now telling me that I should have got the garden cleared too (daft as it's been raining on and off and you can't cut grass when it's wet), done some knitting, sewed up a pair of cycling trousers, done some more drawing, started on my pastel practice, had a bath by now and eaten much, much less than I have. And now it's saying that I certainly should have ridden more than 10 miles.
Who is this speaking? It's not me, as I like a quiet life and would much rather potter in a slow and pleasurable way than dash from activity to activity as if I'm in a race or trying to prove something to someone.
Now I'm worrying about my job too - I'm used to being an expert on my subject and as I've moved into a more senior area last year, my learning curve has been more of a cliff face straight up and I still am very much aware of all the things I have yet to learn, and the environment is changing all the time. Still, I got a very good grade in my appraisal the week before last, so I must be doing OK.
I need to try to get out of this downward spiral of negative thinking. If something is annoying me, I need to deal with it. I'm going to start with converting negative thoughts into positive ones when I catch them, and noticing 5 things that bring me happiness every day, starting now.
1. Daffodils. They make me whoop with joy whenever I see them.
2. Cats to cuddle. I love the way they smell and their warm paws.
3. Windy days. They make me feel fey and a bit wild and I love the huge amounts of fresh air.
4. Bees. Especially the lovely fat fluffy ones with white bums. They're so improbable!
5. Sleep. I love the feeling of my consciousness floating away when I'm dropping off.
There. That's a good start, I feel better already. Coffee and ibuprofen now.
I'm spending most of my time in a state of low-level anxiety. My muscles across my shoulders have been tense enough to go numb, and lately to cause spasms down one of my arms on occasions. I'm very, very tired most of the time. I'm sitting in a sun-flooded room on a comfy chair in a quiet house and I can't relax. I'm thirsty and my head is hurting. I can't understand why my head is so "busy"; all it's doing is going round and round in circles trying to find a reason for my current unhappiness.
I wonder if my expectations aren't just far too high. Take this weekend, for example. In these two days (well, still only one and a half really!) I have done all the housework, all the washing, gone out for a ride, cleaned the bikes, watched a significant number of "Lost" episodes, had a nice Sunday roast, fixed the Epson 4000 printer upstairs, taken Ian to PC World and slept a lot. That's not bad for a weekend is it?
OK, my brain is now telling me that I should have got the garden cleared too (daft as it's been raining on and off and you can't cut grass when it's wet), done some knitting, sewed up a pair of cycling trousers, done some more drawing, started on my pastel practice, had a bath by now and eaten much, much less than I have. And now it's saying that I certainly should have ridden more than 10 miles.
Who is this speaking? It's not me, as I like a quiet life and would much rather potter in a slow and pleasurable way than dash from activity to activity as if I'm in a race or trying to prove something to someone.
Now I'm worrying about my job too - I'm used to being an expert on my subject and as I've moved into a more senior area last year, my learning curve has been more of a cliff face straight up and I still am very much aware of all the things I have yet to learn, and the environment is changing all the time. Still, I got a very good grade in my appraisal the week before last, so I must be doing OK.
I need to try to get out of this downward spiral of negative thinking. If something is annoying me, I need to deal with it. I'm going to start with converting negative thoughts into positive ones when I catch them, and noticing 5 things that bring me happiness every day, starting now.
1. Daffodils. They make me whoop with joy whenever I see them.
2. Cats to cuddle. I love the way they smell and their warm paws.
3. Windy days. They make me feel fey and a bit wild and I love the huge amounts of fresh air.
4. Bees. Especially the lovely fat fluffy ones with white bums. They're so improbable!
5. Sleep. I love the feeling of my consciousness floating away when I'm dropping off.
There. That's a good start, I feel better already. Coffee and ibuprofen now.
posted by Catherine at 16:26
1 Comments:
We all hold such high expectations for ourselves - try looking at yourself through Ians eyes... you will see a very different person! (You are sure to like her a lot!)
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